tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40940492011-04-21T22:36:58.523-07:00the blog about nothingpop culture pundritry: hotter than molten lavajamelahnoreply@blogger.comBlogger381100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1156210934821634492006-08-21T18:39:00.000-07:002006-08-21T19:52:29.700-07:00some thoughts on waving, as prompted by kevin federlineJamelah (8:23:50 PM): i'm watching it right nowJamelah (8:23:53 PM): and wanted to share the loveCaryn (8:24:12 PM): oh my godCaryn (8:24:16 PM): and a pregnant britneyCaryn (8:24:31 PM): i'm not sure i can handle thisJamelah (8:24:36 PM): dudeJamelah (8:24:38 PM): oh my godCaryn (8:24:42 PM): dude she has bad postureJamelah (8:25:01 PM): jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1131242125511646402005-11-05T17:54:00.000-08:002005-11-05T17:55:25.520-08:00All You Need Is GlueJamelah: chips and salsa is an okay dinner, right?Caryn: i have it quite often, so it must beCaryn: and dudeCaryn: Cruise Ship Escapes Pirate Hijack Attempt Jamelah: whoaCaryn: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051106/ap_on_re_af/pirate_attack Caryn: i suppose that shouldn't be funnyJamelah: it's awesomeJamelah: of course, i'm evilCaryn: of course then there's this: Man glued to Carynnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1108788527421523612005-02-18T20:45:00.000-08:002005-03-03T09:13:57.743-08:00jamelah (11:21:03 PM): i just got spammed by Nipples Awesomefirecracker (11:21:09 PM): hahahahjamelah (11:21:40 PM): and that is, i must say, awesome indeedfirecracker (11:21:46 PM): hahahah firecracker (11:21:53 PM): hi i'm awesomefirecracker (11:21:57 PM): nipples awesomejamelah (11:21:59 PM): nipples awesomefirecracker (11:22:03 PM): hahahahjamelah (11:22:11 PM): i've always hated the word jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1106711172000656512005-01-25T19:40:00.000-08:002005-01-26T20:40:40.716-08:00in which they discuss flow
jamelah (10:22:34 PM): i never wrote my post about tampons
firecracker (10:22:53 PM): hahahah
firecracker (10:22:57 PM): wow
firecracker (10:23:02 PM): i'm not sure i've heard about this
jamelah (10:23:11 PM): man
jamelah (10:23:12 PM): ok
jamelah (10:23:19 PM): i'll have to photograph the tampon cabinet
jamelah (10:23:21 PM): yes
firecracker (10:23:22 PM): didn't you jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1105029560480467342005-01-06T07:50:00.000-08:002005-01-06T08:39:52.280-08:00generously funded
the other day, some exciting news came to the blog about nothing mailbox, and i'd like to share it with you now:Your name attached to the ticket number 5 - 12 - 26 - 29 - 36 - 49 - 56 - 89 with serial number 2115 - 05 drew the lucky numbers 7 - 9 - 14 - 16 - 29 - 33 which consequently won the lottery in the 3rd category.
You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1103076447448815292004-12-14T18:07:00.000-08:002004-12-14T18:11:00.476-08:00jamelah (8:53:24 PM): ok, you know that one usher song with ludacris and lil jon
firecracker (8:53:28 PM): hmmmm
firecracker (8:53:32 PM): remind me
firecracker (8:53:35 PM): sing it
jamelah (8:54:07 PM): where it goes "ludacris has got the flow to make your booty go (insert smacking noise)" does that actually mean that your butt is supposed to clap?
firecracker (8:54:22 PM): hahahah
firecracker jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1092765194857795392004-08-17T10:51:00.000-07:002004-08-17T10:53:14.856-07:00Find Your Place in the Olympiad
Take our patented Olympics Quiz and find out where you belong!
Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1092502852370123442004-08-14T09:22:00.000-07:002004-08-15T15:55:10.336-07:00denmark: the master of the shuttlecock
last night, i tried my best to watch the entire opening ceremony from the olympics, but there's really only so much bob costas and katie couric that i can stand before i am forced to do other things to protect my sanity. that said, i did see most of it, and i have some relatively fresh, hotter-than-lukewarm commentary on what i watched:
1. as i mentionedjamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1091814140229192842004-08-06T06:06:00.000-07:002004-08-06T10:42:20.230-07:00the blog about nothing: bringing on the hurt
1. pizza hut vs. fingerhut: as these two step into the ring, no one knows what to expect except pure unadulterated anarchy. and that's exactly what we get as pizza hut pulls a four-for-all right on top of page 52 of fingerhut's random assortment of crap you never knew you needed. that could have been all she wrote, but fingerhut strikes back Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1091744818204513642004-08-05T15:26:00.000-07:002004-08-05T15:32:15.586-07:00the blog about nothing: smackdown
pop rocks vs. fun dip: well, this is a tough one to call, because as we know, pop rocks are like crack and fun dip is like fruit-flavored cocaine, so really, this is a battle between the street and the posh night club. back alley vs. bathroom stall? glass pipe vs. rolled-up $100 bill? really, it seems like an easy call: pop rocks all the way. but in a surprise jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1091721822001576642004-08-05T09:02:00.000-07:002004-08-05T09:10:26.536-07:00jamelah: i bought some cheez-its last night
jamelah: and i forgot to bring them with me today
firecracker: regular cheez-its
firecracker: i'm pissed at cheez-its actually
jamelah: dude
jamelah: wtf
firecracker: because now there's like 20 different kinds of cheez-its
jamelah: there are like 20 different kids of cheez-its
jamelah: ok, seriously
firecracker: heh
jamelah: when i was looking at them,Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1068582516705309082003-11-11T12:28:00.000-08:002004-08-05T07:35:45.116-07:00firecracker & jamelah: a brief glossary of terms
20 block (noun) - a great quantity.
Ex. That's 20 block of fun!
brickback (verb) - spontaneous, unexpected making out.
Variations: brickbacked (adjectiverb), brickbacking (gerund).
crapnuts (noun, exclamation, adjective) - a term used to describe a something or someone horrible, stupid, gross. Example: That crapnuts low carb ice cream. Canjamelahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1065066607911496852003-10-01T20:49:00.000-07:002003-10-07T19:27:25.350-07:00jamelah: i don't think i've ever read anything by william carlos williams, except that red wheelbarrow poem
jamelah: and the introduction to howl
Firecracker: wheelbarrow enjambment
jamelah: i never got that poem
Firecracker: i don't even know what it is
Firecracker: skool me
jamelah: it's really short and i don't have it memorized or anything, but it basically just says "so much depends on a redCarynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1095040309294000162003-03-18T10:50:00.000-08:002004-09-13T16:26:21.340-07:00mindless theater presents: singin' in the men
jamelah: do you still want to run away?
firecracker: yes
firecracker: let's go
jamelah: ok
jamelah: i'm all for it
jamelah: i can't do any talking or anything
jamelah: but who needs to talk to frolic?
firecracker: exactly!
jamelah: can we have cabana boys too?
firecracker: of course
firecracker: and cabana monkeys if we so desire
jamelah: awesome
Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-887220222003-02-07T12:13:00.000-08:002003-02-07T12:13:53.416-08:00mr. clean is not gay
you know, just because a guy wears a tight white t-shirt tucked into a pair of tight blue jeans and he's somewhat of a neat freak, well that doesn't mean that he's gay. i mean, yes, all the signs pointing at mr. clean are big and neon and flashing gay! and i'm gay! and i am a total homosexual! but that doesn't mean anything. it doesn't.
and i'll tell you why.
mr. clean jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-886870562003-02-06T20:15:00.000-08:002003-02-06T20:15:41.563-08:00
he gets rid of dirt and grime and grease in just a minute but there's more to it than that, faithful reader...
he's been the king of your utlility closet for decades now... and he's stayed as vibrant as ever. yet, there seems to be this rumor that just won't go away. and that is that mr. clean is gay. this is the insidious rumor that's kept him out of your grandmother's mop-bucket and Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-881286182003-01-27T17:26:00.000-08:002003-01-27T20:08:13.000-08:00blogstreet's back: and talkin' 'bout the game
so i actually watched the superbowl, including about 2 hours of pre-game coverage. but as we all know, the superbowl isn't about the game itself, it's about all the hoopla that surrounds, intersects and overtakes it. the football teams are just an excuse for people to get away with crap they normally wouldn't get away with. like pairing Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-881002722003-01-27T07:46:00.000-08:002003-01-27T07:46:03.393-08:00
pirates on the high seas! football, i guess.
yo ho ho, it was one hell of a sea battle last night, wasn't it? the buccaneers vs. the raiders... all about pirates, people. and therein lies its greatness. it's about the battle between two pirate crews and who will come away with the big pirate treasure and the fame and glory of the high seas. yes. the buccaneers, matey, lemme tell ya.... jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-876113142003-01-17T14:25:00.000-08:002003-01-17T14:25:06.746-08:00
all we are sayin' is give peace a chance...
i've been asked by various betting agencies to help them come up with some odds for a few very important cage matches coming up in the 2003 season. so... i'll ask you: are you ready to rumble????
1. apple sauce vs. apple butter while it would seem that apple sauce would win due to its sheer popularity. but consider the power of apple Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-875986382003-01-17T09:33:00.000-08:002003-01-21T06:32:03.000-08:00
decisions, decisions...
life is filled with difficult decisions, and the blog about nothing knows it. and we've been called upon to decide the outcomes of several hypothetical cage matches. this is important, people. this is about life and death, brain vs. brawn, pancakes vs. money. oh yes. we here at the blog about nothing don't take these decisions lightly, but we understand that it is jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-875416912003-01-16T09:27:00.000-08:002003-01-16T09:28:28.000-08:00the blog about nothing answers the tough questions...
we've come to the part of the week where we answer a few of the hundreds of reader mail we get each day. these are real letters from real people! (it's amazing, i know!) i think you'll enjoy them just as much as we have, if not more.
dear the blog about nothing,
HOT -MARRIED - LADIES ARE WAITING... Do you Wnat to meet REAL married Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-875351262003-01-16T07:03:00.000-08:002003-01-16T07:04:31.000-08:00
letters! we've got letters!
good morning, boys and girls. welcome to my favorite part of the blog about nothing: the reader mail. see, there's nothing i love more than a nice warm cup of discourse to start off my day. the people have spoken. let's get down to business, shall we?
letter #1:
dear the blog about nothing,
is it possible to book you for bar mitzvahs and pool parties?
dear jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-874967642003-01-15T13:51:00.000-08:002003-01-15T13:52:03.000-08:00
it's wednesday afternoon. what do you expect?
first of all, let me just say this: kudos for the adam duritz hatred. he needs to be flogged. repeatedly.
second of all, let me add: while i generally only like cover songs that are complete reinterpretations of the original artist's work (because if you're just gonna get up and sing it the exact same way, then shut up. the other person jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-874868252003-01-15T10:28:00.000-08:002003-01-15T13:18:41.000-08:00
they paved paradise...
ok. today i just have to rant. and there is no counter-point that will be acceptable to me. i'm annoyed, and this has been brewing in my mind for some time, but today it all came to a head. today, as i took the last two midols out of the cabinet, i heard adam duritz of the counting crows whining out the joni mitchell classic "big yellow taxi". i immediately Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-874240472003-01-14T08:48:00.000-08:002003-01-14T09:42:14.000-08:00
would you like to biggie size that?
it's a question asked around the world every day... and the answer is a resounding yes... yes ... YES! yes, virginia, size does matter. it's not that i don't think stamina is a nice quality... of course it is. who doesn't like stamina? but the fact remains that when all is said and done, size is king. (because let's face it, when it's over, it's Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-874189112003-01-14T06:51:00.000-08:002003-01-14T06:51:53.003-08:00
all night long, baby. all night long.
due to numerous spam e-mails i have received under the spammer's misconception that i am a man, i've been consistently bombarded with one message: my penis is too small and i'm no tiger between the sheets, so my woman is going to leave me. there are two distinct issues that the spammer is addressing here, and of course, those two distinct issues are sizejamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-873712632003-01-13T13:25:00.000-08:002003-01-14T07:00:33.000-08:00
monday's child should run like hell (and other funny stories of my youth)
ahhh monday. what an appropriate topic... for... a ... monday. ahem. while monday may seem to be an unwitting scapegoat for the ills of the world, i don't generally believe in innocence so easily. monday wants you to think it's just a victim of awful placement in the week -- the truth is that monday kicks peopleCarynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-873682782003-01-13T12:18:00.000-08:002003-01-14T06:56:20.000-08:00
monday: it needs a vacation
it's not that i don't know that this is a complete cliche, but i'm not really in the mood to care so much right now. okay.
monday. what's the deal? see, you'd think that by now, monday would've gotten the hint. and it would've just said, "right guys, i feel ya. i'm just gonna retire to some desert island and leave you alone." but no, it keeps insisting on jamelahnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1095025714080670032003-01-07T18:51:00.000-08:002004-09-13T16:25:20.433-07:00 firecracker: am i wearing the bling or is jesusjamelah: jesusjamelah: though he might share the blingjamelah: because i hear he's a nice, giving fellowfirecracker: then why didn't he turn water into bling?jamelah: hmmm... very important questionjamelah: and i am afraid i have no answerjamelah: i guess thoughjamelah: i mean, this is just speculation on my partfirecracker: of coursejamelah: but Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1095044055554330412002-11-05T23:08:00.000-08:002004-09-12T20:00:12.693-07:00mindless theater presents: the next episode
jamelah: and again, the subject matter is food
firecracker: well in a round about way
firecracker: we covered a lot
jamelah: are we just hungry, or something?
firecracker: i think we might be
jamelah: man, i wish i could go to denny's right now
jamelah: because i actually am hungry, kinda
firecracker: denny's!
firecracker: what would you order?
Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1095043938373434172002-11-05T22:47:00.000-08:002004-09-12T19:52:18.373-07:00another nailbiting episode of mindless theater:
the one where they try to be literary
firecracker: have you started reading your carver yet?
jamelah: i haven't gotten it in the mail yet. damn that amazon.com
firecracker: damn them
jamelah: they said they shipped it four days ago
firecracker: when the fuck are we just going to be able to hit "order" and then it pops out of the disk drive?
Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1095041160294038322002-10-28T21:26:00.000-08:002004-09-12T19:06:00.293-07:00mindless theater presents: fall sugar rush
jamelah: and in other news, cream of wheat makes for a great dinner at 9 p.m.
Firecracker: hmmm
Firecracker: flavored?
jamelah: no, just plain
jamelah: with a little brown sugar
Firecracker: do you like candy corn?
jamelah: not really
Firecracker: and why not?
jamelah: i think it's too sweet
jamelah: it's like orange sugar
jamelah: and i'm very Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1095118638759925332002-09-29T14:30:00.000-07:002004-09-13T16:37:18.760-07:00the return of mindless chatter part three: bacon bits and other funny stuff
in today's edition, we find firecracker and jamelah comparing notes over a leisurely sunday lunch...
firecracker says:
i just finished my salad
firecracker says:
and there is left in the bowl
firecracker says:
one giant piece of baconesque
jamelah says:
hmmmm
jamelah says:
how giant?
firecracker says:
one half inch
Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1095119103839404462002-09-09T18:37:00.000-07:002004-09-13T16:45:03.840-07:00mindless theater presents: jamelah and firecracker in "Candy Bar Capers"
jamelah says:
do baby ruth candybars have coconut in them?
jamelah says:
because i can't do coconut
firecracker says:
no just nuts and caramel with chocolate i think
jamelah says:
yeah, i decided to be brave and bite into one
jamelah says:
pretty good
jamelah says:
it's not a snickers, but it'll pass
firecracker says:
ok Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1095119648969589302002-08-28T14:44:00.000-07:002004-09-13T16:54:08.970-07:00mindless theater presents: episode three -- back to jesus
jamelah says:
i got a new computer at work today
firecracker says:
sweet jesus
firecracker says:
mmmmmmmmm
firecracker says:
really?
jamelah says:
chocolate jesus.
firecracker says:
have you named it yet?
jamelah says:
no.
jamelah says:
i'm boring
firecracker says:
i think you mean chocolate genius
jamelah says:
chocolate genius, Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1095119570942519932002-08-28T14:19:00.000-07:002004-09-13T16:52:50.943-07:00mindless theater presents: (conversation, in a nutshell)
jamelah says:
am i wrong to be disturbed by the fact that when i walked into my bathroom just now, there was a pistachio sitting on my bathmat?
firecracker says:
did it say anything?
jamelah says:
no, it just sat there
firecracker says:
staring at you?
firecracker says:
with or without a shell?
jamelah says:
with a shell
jamelah says:
are Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1095119491156717242002-08-28T14:08:00.000-07:002004-09-13T16:51:31.156-07:00just when you thought it was safe... mindless theater!
jamelah says:
here in michigan, a medium is about 12 ounces
jamelah says:
at least at a movie theater
firecracker says:
no way
firecracker says:
it's like at the movie theater
jamelah says:
they are cheatin' bastards
firecracker says:
everything is supersized
firecracker says:
of course so are the prices
firecracker says:
7 bucks for that Carynnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4094049.post-1095119944131349012002-08-10T13:10:00.000-07:002004-09-13T16:59:04.130-07:00mindless theater presents: brilliance.
firecracker says:
oh hey
firecracker says:
did you get your hair cut?
jamelah says:
nah
jamelah says:
i have to stress over that decision for a few weeks
firecracker says:
that's a good plan
jamelah says:
yeah
jamelah says:
it takes me a long time to decide what to do with my hair... i think i spend more time thinking about my hair than anyone else on earthCarynnoreply@blogger.com0