Monday, August 21, 2006

some thoughts on waving, as prompted by kevin federline

Jamelah (8:23:50 PM): i'm watching it right now
Jamelah (8:23:53 PM): and wanted to share the love
Caryn (8:24:12 PM): oh my god
Caryn (8:24:16 PM): and a pregnant britney
Caryn (8:24:31 PM): i'm not sure i can handle this
Jamelah (8:24:36 PM): dude
Jamelah (8:24:38 PM): oh my god
Caryn (8:24:42 PM): dude she has bad posture
Jamelah (8:25:01 PM): can't stop laughing
Jamelah (8:25:06 PM): wait until you get to the rapping part
Caryn (8:25:19 PM): oh no
Caryn (8:25:22 PM): no
Jamelah (8:25:52 PM): wait for it
Caryn (8:26:25 PM): oh my god
Caryn (8:26:26 PM): what
Caryn (8:26:27 PM): the
Caryn (8:26:28 PM): fuck
Jamelah (8:27:07 PM): my god
Jamelah (8:27:09 PM): cannot breathe
Caryn (8:27:22 PM): how can britney let this be
Jamelah (8:27:49 PM): oh my god
Jamelah (8:27:57 PM): put your hands in the air and wave em from side to side
Jamelah (8:28:01 PM): is just not how that goes
Jamelah (8:28:43 PM): i'm not sure but i think i'm going to have to write about this
Jamelah (8:28:48 PM): because it was like a religious experience
Jamelah (8:29:00 PM): but a really bad one where, like, the religion sucks and steals your soul
Caryn (8:29:44 PM): hahahahah
Jamelah (8:30:38 PM): put your hands in the air and wave em from side to side
Jamelah (8:31:03 PM): even the backstreet boys know you're supposed to wave em like you just don't care
Jamelah (8:31:21 PM): though i always wondered
Caryn (8:31:23 PM): hahahaha
Jamelah (8:31:28 PM): how do you wave your arms when you DO care?
Caryn (8:31:39 PM): well maybe i need to make a video
Jamelah (8:31:45 PM): and okay
Jamelah (8:31:47 PM): yes you do
Jamelah (8:31:48 PM): but okay
Caryn (8:31:49 PM): hahahah
Jamelah (8:32:16 PM): if you're waving them LIKE you just don't care, does that mean you actually DO care but you're pretending not to care because that's what the backstreet boys are telling you to do?
Caryn (8:44:23 PM): i'm practicing my waving
Jamelah (8:44:37 PM): do you care?
Caryn (8:47:48 PM): i can go either way

Saturday, November 05, 2005

All You Need Is Glue

Jamelah: chips and salsa is an okay dinner, right?
Caryn: i have it quite often, so it must be
Caryn: and dude
Caryn: Cruise Ship Escapes Pirate Hijack Attempt
Jamelah: whoa
Caryn: i suppose that shouldn't be funny
Jamelah: it's awesome
Jamelah: of course, i'm evil
Caryn: of course then there's this: Man glued to toilet seat, sues store
Jamelah: hahah
Jamelah: i saw that
Caryn: shortly followed by
Caryn: Man Sues Ex-Girlfriend Over Glue Attack
Caryn: is glue becoming the new menace?
Jamelah: yes
Caryn: why would you even want to publicize this
Caryn: Kenneth Slaby is suing his ex-girlfriend -- for gluing his you-know-what to his stomach. The Pittsburgh man also charges that Gail O'Toole glued his butt cheeks together
Caryn: butt cheeks
Caryn: since when does the news say "butt cheeks"?
Jamelah: maybe she thought it was a fraternity hazing
Caryn: hahahah
Caryn: Gail O'Toole
Caryn: that sounds fake
Jamelah: i'm just cracking up
Jamelah: because i'm wondering
Jamelah: did she do this all in one go?
Caryn: A Pittsburgh man took the stand yesterday in Westmoreland County Court to detail how "scared and puzzled" he was when his former girlfriend painted his body with nail polish and Super-Glued his genitals and buttocks.
Jamelah: or did she glue the penis one day and the butt cheeks another day?
Caryn: hahahahah
Caryn: i'm totally crying laughing
Caryn: scared and puzzled
Jamelah: hahaha
Caryn: i can see him scratching his head
Caryn: stroking his chin
Caryn: hmmmmmm
Jamelah: what's going on here?
Caryn: well i'll be!
Caryn: sumbuddy glued my nads!
Jamelah: hahahahah
Caryn: doesn't that beat all???
Caryn: /can't breathe
Jamelah: hahah
Jamelah: at least she didn't cut it off
Jamelah: because, well, i'm sure that would be worse
Jamelah: which reminds me
Jamelah: do you remember that story that feral posted on litkicks forever ago about some woman cutting off her boyfriend's ass?
Jamelah: and then we wrote a limerick about it?
Caryn: hahahahah
Caryn: vaguely
Caryn: i mean ... which time?
Caryn: hahahah
Jamelah: hahah
Jamelah: i don't remember any of the details except thinking "who cuts OFF someone's ASS?"
Caryn: yeah that seems pretty difficult
Jamelah: especially when you could just glue his nads
Caryn: yeah
Caryn: because really the glue's doing all the work
Jamelah: exactly

Friday, February 18, 2005

jamelah (11:21:03 PM): i just got spammed by Nipples Awesome
firecracker (11:21:09 PM): hahahah
jamelah (11:21:40 PM): and that is, i must say, awesome indeed
firecracker (11:21:46 PM): hahahah
firecracker (11:21:53 PM): hi i'm awesome
firecracker (11:21:57 PM): nipples awesome
jamelah (11:21:59 PM): nipples awesome
firecracker (11:22:03 PM): hahahah
jamelah (11:22:11 PM): i've always hated the word nipple
firecracker (11:22:45 PM): you know what i hate?
firecracker (11:23:06 PM): i used to work for this industrial fittings company and there's a mechanical part/fitting called... a nipple.
jamelah (11:23:12 PM): heheh yeah
firecracker (11:23:23 PM): like they couldn't come up with anything else?
jamelah (11:23:26 PM): there are also things called cocks
firecracker (11:23:36 PM): so i've heard
jamelahquai (11:23:41 PM): hahaha
firecracker (11:23:44 PM): HAHAHAHAH
jamelah (11:23:54 PM): because when we had some pipes fixed, the bill included parts
firecracker (11:24:03 PM): had some pipes fixed
jamelah (11:24:04 PM): and the one of the parts was a brass cock
firecracker (11:24:11 PM): is that like a brass monkey?
jamelah (11:24:18 PM): (fucky monkey!)
firecracker (11:24:22 PM): HAHAHAHAH
jamelah (11:24:27 PM): oh my god
jamelah (11:24:30 PM): hahahahahaha
jamelah (11:24:37 PM): was that freudian?
firecracker (11:24:38 PM): can't breathe
firecracker (11:24:40 PM): i think so
firecracker (11:24:42 PM): hahahahahah
jamelah (11:24:50 PM): i'm crying
firecracker (11:24:54 PM): hahahahahaahh
firecracker (11:25:03 PM): i'm totally shaking trying not to cackle
jamelah (11:25:10 PM): oh man
jamelah (11:25:25 PM): i can't stop laughing
firecracker (11:25:35 PM): hahahah
firecracker (11:25:38 PM): all because of spam

no, seriously. a brass cock.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

in which they discuss flow

jamelah (10:22:34 PM): i never wrote my post about tampons
firecracker (10:22:53 PM): hahahah
firecracker (10:22:57 PM): wow
firecracker (10:23:02 PM): i'm not sure i've heard about this
jamelah (10:23:11 PM): man
jamelah (10:23:12 PM): ok
jamelah (10:23:19 PM): i'll have to photograph the tampon cabinet
jamelah (10:23:21 PM): yes
firecracker (10:23:22 PM): didn't you clean something up wiht a maxipad?
jamelah (10:23:24 PM): i said "tampon cabinet"
jamelah (10:23:26 PM): hahahah
jamelah (10:23:27 PM): yes
firecracker (10:23:27 PM): hahah
jamelah (10:23:37 PM): i spilled a can of diet coke and stayfree came to the rescue
firecracker (10:24:23 PM): i still think you should write into them and tell them that
jamelah (10:24:34 PM): i wonder if they'd do a commercial about it
firecracker (10:24:40 PM): i'm sure they would
firecracker (10:24:51 PM): it would be like all those real-customer experience type commercials that progressive does
jamelah (10:24:55 PM): hahahahaha
jamelah (10:25:16 PM): "and i was wondering what to do... when i remembered i had a stayfree pad (with wings!) in the glove compartment of my car!"
firecracker (10:25:20 PM): hahahah
jamelah (10:25:37 PM): talk about absorbent
firecracker (10:25:44 PM): so then my stayfree representative called
firecracker (10:25:45 PM): wait
firecracker (10:25:46 PM): yeah
firecracker (10:25:48 PM): hah
jamelah (10:25:52 PM): and i just saved a bunch of money on
jamelah (10:25:53 PM): um
firecracker (10:25:56 PM): hahahahah
firecracker (10:25:57 PM): oh my god
firecracker (10:25:59 PM): we have to tape this
jamelah (10:26:00 PM): hahahaha
jamelah (10:26:15 PM): we should make our own stayfree commercial
firecracker (10:26:52 PM): i am not sure i own any stayfree though
firecracker (10:26:59 PM): i love how it's all "stayfree"
jamelah (10:27:02 PM): hah
firecracker (10:27:03 PM): like we're enslaved
jamelah (10:27:06 PM): well you know
firecracker (10:27:06 PM): or something
firecracker (10:27:07 PM): yeah i don't know
jamelah (10:27:09 PM): you were free before
firecracker (10:27:09 PM): you now what
jamelah (10:27:14 PM): and you should stay that way
firecracker (10:27:18 PM): they should have abe lincoln on the box
jamelah (10:27:24 PM): hahahaha
jamelah (10:27:27 PM): or vermont
jamelah (10:27:30 PM): live free or die
firecracker (10:27:36 PM): four score and seven years ago... we needed odor protection
jamelah (10:27:36 PM): stay free or die
jamelah (10:27:39 PM): same thing
firecracker (10:27:46 PM): oh man
jamelah (10:28:02 PM): this might have to go on the blog about nothing
firecracker (10:28:03 PM): i feel some photoshop coming on
jamelah (10:28:14 PM): hahah
firecracker (10:28:27 PM): Abe Lincoln Super Absorbency Tampons -- Now with Stovepipe hat applicator!
jamelah (10:28:29 PM): i just came dangerously close to doing a spit take
jamelah (10:28:57 PM): stovepipe hat applicator... in pearlized plastic
firecracker (10:29:01 PM): HAHAH
firecracker (10:29:08 PM): yeah i don't get that
jamelah (10:29:08 PM): here's what i don't get
firecracker (10:29:10 PM): pearlized
firecracker (10:29:11 PM): WHY?
jamelah (10:29:15 PM): they say it's for comfort
firecracker (10:29:18 PM): hahahah
jamelah (10:29:19 PM): how is pearlized plastic
firecracker (10:29:20 PM): "they"
jamelah (10:29:27 PM): any more comfortable than regular plastic?
jamelah (10:29:30 PM): i mean honestly
firecracker (10:29:31 PM): well see
firecracker (10:29:33 PM): it's pearls
firecracker (10:29:36 PM): and pearls are luxurious
jamelah (10:29:38 PM): hahah
firecracker (10:29:40 PM): because they come from the ocean
jamelah (10:29:45 PM): right, right
firecracker (10:29:48 PM): and it's like flow
jamelah (10:29:52 PM): like tokay
firecracker (10:29:55 PM): like, well, you get the picture
firecracker (10:29:56 PM): exactly
jamelah (10:30:03 PM): like the internal tokay of the body
firecracker (10:30:07 PM): HAAAAAAAAAAAAH
firecracker (10:30:10 PM): oh my god
jamelah (10:30:18 PM): can't breathe again
jamelah (10:30:40 PM): but seriously
firecracker (10:30:54 PM): heheheh
jamelah (10:31:18 PM): it's a cotton ball encased in plastic and you have to stick it in your vagina and i don't really get how the type of plastic is really supposed to make that big of a difference
firecracker (10:31:55 PM): but jamelah
firecracker (10:31:59 PM): it's PEARLIZED
jamelah (10:32:03 PM): like tokay
jamelah (10:32:05 PM): tokay pearl
jamelah (10:32:16 PM): for the bearded clam
jamelah (10:32:21 PM): and i can't believe i just typed that
firecracker (10:32:25 PM): OH
firecracker (10:32:27 PM): god
firecracker (10:32:30 PM): haaaaaaaaaaahahahahah
jamelah (10:32:42 PM): i'm doing the wheezy dog laugh again
firecracker (10:32:53 PM): crying
jamelah (10:33:02 PM): oh
jamelah (10:33:03 PM): my
jamelah (10:33:04 PM): god
jamelah (10:33:29 PM): i think i may have pulled a muscle
firecracker (10:33:37 PM): hahahah
jamelah (10:33:52 PM): wooo
firecracker (10:35:59 PM): man
firecracker (10:36:05 PM): people don't undertand how funny we are
firecracker (10:36:12 PM): we're dangerously injuriously funny
jamelah (10:36:17 PM): i know
jamelah (10:36:22 PM): because i totally just hurt myself

Thursday, January 06, 2005

generously funded

the other day, some exciting news came to the blog about nothing mailbox, and i'd like to share it with you now:
Your name attached to the ticket number 5 - 12 - 26 - 29 - 36 - 49 - 56 - 89 with serial number 2115 - 05 drew the lucky numbers 7 - 9 - 14 - 16 - 29 - 33 which consequently won the lottery in the 3rd category.

You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout of £666,810.00 in cash credited to file REF.NO: WHC/2666801029/03. This is from a total cash prize of £11,335,770.00 POUNDS shared among the 17 international winners in this category.

in case you're not hip to international currency conversion rates, let me just tell you that £666,810 equals approximately $1,250,947.16. in short, we here at the blog about nothing are totally frickin' rich.

we, of course, would like to thank our generous donor from the international foundation of spam (not to be confused with the international house of pancakes) for entrusting us with such a generous sum of money. we promise to use this funding to continue our strenuous research into risky subjects such as the age-old size versus stamina debate, nougat, technology, cheez, and the ass clap, among many other things. we realize that it is because of our cutting-edge research and willingness to say the word "shuttlecock" that we have gained such worldwide admiration, and we pledge to continue working diligently to bring you the knowledge you deserve but were afraid to find for yourself.

of course, we also plan to use this funding to expand our research into some new areas as well. these areas include (but are not limited to): exotic vacations, junior mints, space bags, armies of ninjas, and, uh, fajitas. we here at the blog about nothing looooove fajitas.

thank you, international foundation of spam, for your vote of confidence that you decided to give us in the form of sweet, sweet money. we appreciate it, and as god is our witness, we will put it to good use.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

jamelah (8:53:24 PM): ok, you know that one usher song with ludacris and lil jon
firecracker (8:53:28 PM): hmmmm
firecracker (8:53:32 PM): remind me
firecracker (8:53:35 PM): sing it
jamelah (8:54:07 PM): where it goes "ludacris has got the flow to make your booty go (insert smacking noise)" does that actually mean that your butt is supposed to clap?
firecracker (8:54:22 PM): hahahah
firecracker (8:54:24 PM): yes
jamelah (8:54:29 PM): wow
jamelah (8:54:33 PM): that's some talented ass
firecracker (8:54:34 PM): because in one song he says
firecracker (8:54:42 PM): "let me see that ass clappin' fo' me"
jamelah (8:54:46 PM): seriously
jamelah (8:54:48 PM): talented ass
firecracker (8:54:57 PM): heheheh
firecracker (8:55:17 PM): heheh yes
firecracker (8:55:25 PM): ass clappin is a whole new genre of music
jamelah (8:55:26 PM): because that song was just on and my butt totally didn't clap
firecracker (8:55:30 PM): heheheh
firecracker (8:55:33 PM): maybe you need to turn it up
firecracker (8:55:36 PM): the music that is
jamelah (8:55:37 PM): hahahahah
firecracker (8:55:46 PM): because you know
firecracker (8:55:50 PM): maybe your ass didn't hear it
jamelah (8:56:03 PM): yeah it's probably all muffled because i'm sitting on it
firecracker (8:56:05 PM): because lil jon got the beat that make yo booty go
jamelah (8:56:05 PM): my ass, that is
firecracker (8:56:44 PM): i wonder if some day we'll walk into sam goody and right next to R&B and Country is a placard that says "ass clap"
jamelah (8:56:50 PM): hahaha
jamelah (8:56:53 PM): well i hope so
jamelah (8:56:57 PM): this is america, after all
firecracker (8:56:59 PM): we can always hope
firecracker (8:57:15 PM): and i mean, usher... if anyone can make it happen it's urrrshuuur
jamelah (8:57:15 PM): and if it doesn't, well, i think it'll be obvious that the terrorists have won
firecracker (8:57:21 PM): amen!
jamelah (8:57:31 PM): heh
firecracker (8:57:38 PM): now you know you have to post this to the blog about nothing
jamelah (8:57:43 PM): hahah
jamelah (8:57:44 PM): i know
firecracker (8:57:45 PM): sort of a holiday gift suggestion
jamelah (8:57:54 PM): ass clappin' for christmas
firecracker (8:57:55 PM): Can't find a gift for grandma?
firecracker (8:58:00 PM): clap on!
firecracker (8:58:03 PM): <ass clap!>
jamelah (8:58:06 PM): want a lady on the street and a freak in the bed
firecracker (8:58:11 PM): don't we all?
jamelah (8:58:13 PM): <CLAP!>
firecracker (8:58:17 PM): can't
firecracker (8:58:18 PM): breathe
jamelah (8:58:20 PM): hahahaha
firecracker (8:58:45 PM): i'm never going to be able to see the clapper commercial in the same way ever again
jamelah (8:58:50 PM): take that, rewind it back
jamelah (8:58:53 PM): hahahah
jamelah (8:58:59 PM): imagine if you had the clapper
jamelah (8:59:06 PM): (i almost just typed "the clap")
firecracker (8:59:06 PM): and you clapped your ass?
firecracker (8:59:10 PM): hahahahahahah
jamelah (8:59:13 PM): and you were listening to usher
jamelah (8:59:18 PM): urrsherrr
jamelah (8:59:21 PM): whatever
firecracker (8:59:24 PM): oh my god
firecracker (8:59:26 PM): hahahhahah
jamelah (8:59:33 PM): would your lights just keep going on & off?
firecracker (8:59:40 PM): it's like strobe lights
jamelah (8:59:42 PM): or would the clapper be immune to the ass clap?
firecracker (8:59:42 PM): for dancing
jamelah (8:59:45 PM): hahahahah
firecracker (8:59:48 PM): i don't see how it could be
firecracker (8:59:53 PM): who can be immune to the ass clap?
firecracker (8:59:56 PM): that sounds so awful
jamelah (9:00:00 PM): hah
jamelah (9:00:04 PM): i can't breathe
jamelah (9:00:12 PM): and guess what song is next on my iTunes playlist?
firecracker (9:00:23 PM): oh man
jamelah (9:00:25 PM): nothing compares 2 u
firecracker (9:00:28 PM): of course
firecracker (9:00:35 PM): because nothing compares 2 ass clapping
jamelah (9:00:36 PM): how does that even happen?
jamelah (9:00:37 PM): hahahaha
jamelah (9:00:46 PM): wow
firecracker (9:01:04 PM): so if i were like reading some really beat poetry and your ass was there
firecracker (9:01:08 PM): you know with its beret
firecracker (9:01:12 PM): would it do that gay snapping thing?
jamelah (9:01:14 PM): i was just going to ask how we were going to get this to be about food in some way (since all of our conversations end up being about food) and then realized how wrong that would be
jamelah (9:01:18 PM): the gay ass snap
firecracker (9:01:21 PM): hahahah
jamelah (9:01:25 PM): that's just
jamelah (9:01:34 PM): wait, did you just say something about an ass in a beret?
firecracker (9:01:36 PM): or would it be all "jolly good show"
firecracker (9:01:38 PM): yes
firecracker (9:01:41 PM): i did
firecracker (9:01:43 PM): heheheh
jamelah (9:02:02 PM): well i think it would only be like "jolly good show" if it were british
jamelah (9:02:05 PM): and my ass is not british
firecracker (9:02:58 PM): thank god
jamelah (9:03:05 PM): i'll say
jamelah (9:03:19 PM): of course, my ass doesn't clap either
jamelah (9:03:24 PM): because it is untrained
firecracker (9:03:26 PM): well you don't know that for sure
jamelah (9:03:32 PM): i guess i need to start doing pilates again
firecracker (9:03:35 PM): hahahahahah
jamelah (9:03:48 PM): oh man
firecracker (9:03:54 PM): this is so wrong
jamelah (9:03:58 PM): i think that's a wrap

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Find Your Place in the Olympiad

Take our patented Olympics Quiz and find out where you belong!