he gets rid of dirt and grime and grease in just a minute but there's more to it than that, faithful reader...

he's been the king of your utlility closet for decades now... and he's stayed as vibrant as ever. yet, there seems to be this rumor that just won't go away. and that is that mr. clean is gay. this is the insidious rumor that's kept him out of your grandmother's mop-bucket and your pastor's pew sterilization routine... well john q. public, i'm here to tell you one thing, and that's simply this: yes, he is. say it loud, say it proud, my cleaning mascot aficianados... mr. clean is a flaming homosexual and there's nothing you can do about it. and honestly, why would you want to? he's doing his job and he does it with a smile. as the song says, he gets rid of dirt and grime and grease in just a minute, he'll clean your whole house and everything that’s in it! and do we really need any more than that? no, i think not. who cares if he's seeing the whole army of scrubbing bubbles on the side? heard he had a thing going with chore-boy? does that affect how he makes your sinks sparkle and your floors shine like brand new? i didn't think so. so he's gay! isn't everyone entitled to a private life? even genie-like ambassadors of sanitation? i think so. this is america, dammit, and i say even product mascots have rights against discrimination. so next time you see mr. clean with his snazzy golden earring and skin-tight white t-shirt, reach out and shake his hand... because he is what is standing between you and unimaginable filth. and i, personally, wouldn't have it any other way. god bless you, mr. clean.