Sunday, September 29, 2002

the return of mindless chatter part three: bacon bits and other funny stuff

in today's edition, we find firecracker and jamelah comparing notes over a leisurely sunday lunch...

firecracker says:
i just finished my salad
firecracker says:
and there is left in the bowl
firecracker says:
one giant piece of baconesque
jamelah says:
hmmmm
jamelah says:
how giant?
firecracker says:
one half inch
jamelah says:
that's a pretty big fake piece of bacon
firecracker says:
i'd say!
jamelah says:
in fact, i might be scared of it
firecracker says:
oh man
firecracker says:
hah
firecracker says:
well
firecracker says:
i almost just said i could see the virgin mary in it
firecracker says:
but then i decided that would be wrong
jamelah says:
hahahaha
jamelah says:
yes
firecracker says:
so i didn't say it
jamelah says:
the virgin mary appeared to me in a piece of fake bacon
jamelah says:
you could be famous
firecracker says:
the Great Oracle of Facon
jamelah says:
if you put the baconesque behind glass
jamelah says:
people would come and pray to it
firecracker says:
could i charge money?
jamelah says:
yeah
jamelah says:
totally
firecracker says:
because i do need the money
firecracker says:
hmmmm
firecracker says:
does it make it less desirable if it has newman's own all over it?
jamelah says:
maybe you could wipe it off with a napkin
firecracker says:
yes, it's becoming a bit pliable
jamelah says:
and newman's own what? what variety of salad dressing?
jamelah says:
is it french dressing?
firecracker says:
all i know is that there is no way in hell i'm eating it
firecracker says:
no
jamelah says:
because then it would blend
firecracker says:
it's not lourdes
jamelah says:
crap
firecracker says:
it's ummm
firecracker says:
let me grab the bottle
jamelah says:
ok
firecracker says:
olive oil and vinegar
firecracker says:
that's a hard one to remember
jamelah says:
ahhhh
jamelah says:
that's a good kinda dressing, though
firecracker says:
definitely, one of my favorites
firecracker says:
you know...
firecracker says:
i find this literary because he does write those great little legends on the back of the bottle.


this mindless theater presentation was brought to you by Newman's Own Salad Dressings and the manufacturers of Bac-os: Why Eat Bacon When You Can Fake It?

Monday, September 09, 2002

mindless theater presents: jamelah and firecracker in "Candy Bar Capers"

jamelah says:
do baby ruth candybars have coconut in them?
jamelah says:
because i can't do coconut
firecracker says:
no just nuts and caramel with chocolate i think
jamelah says:
yeah, i decided to be brave and bite into one
jamelah says:
pretty good
jamelah says:
it's not a snickers, but it'll pass
firecracker says:
ok is there nougat and no caramel or is there caramel and no nougat?
jamelah says:
there's caramel AND nougat
firecracker says:
wait a second
firecracker says:
then isn't it just a snickers then?
jamelah says:
peanuts, caramel and nougat
firecracker says:
no chocolate
firecracker says:
ahhh
firecracker says:
ok
jamelah says:
and chocolate
firecracker says:
hah
firecracker says:
are you trying to mess with my mind
firecracker says:
well then seriously
jamelah says:
there's just something not snickers-y about it
firecracker says:
it IS a snickers
firecracker says:
you're being finicky
jamelah says:
there's a mini snickers bar here too
jamelah says:
let me see
firecracker says:
yes i think you need to do a test
jamelah says:
the snickers just tastes different
jamelah says:
all the same ingredients
firecracker says:
is it the shape
jamelah says:
but... it's different
firecracker says:
i think because the baby ruth is all bumpy, correct?
jamelah says:
yes
jamelah says:
and the snickers has that lovely snickers-y smoothness to it
jamelah says:
however, i think the nougat is different
jamelah says:
the snickers nougat is more airy
jamelah says:
and the baby ruth nougat is more dense
firecracker says:
so it's the nougat that is the difference then
jamelah says:
yes
jamelah says:
the nougat changes things
firecracker says:
well is it regular nougat or a chocolate nougat?
jamelah says:
i think it's a chocolate nougat
jamelah says:
but i wasn't paying that much attention, to be honest
jamelah says:
and i think if i were to eat another one, i'd barf... too much sugar
firecracker says:
wimp
firecracker says:
this is in the name of science
firecracker says:
and you are being selfish
firecracker says:
i don't get how they can make the same candy bar and just call it two different names
jamelah says:
fine, but if i puke all over my keyboard
jamelah says:
...
firecracker says:
i mean, there is no other candy bars like kit kat
firecracker says:
or twix
firecracker says:
or whatchamacallit
firecracker says:
there just aren't
jamelah says:
ok, i broke the baby ruth in half
firecracker says:
and then you have the payday
jamelah says:
the nougat is chocolate
firecracker says:
which is like the baby ruth, but naked in its purest form
jamelah says:
and the peanuts taste more nutty
firecracker says:
chocolate
firecracker says:
more nutty?
jamelah says:
there's no nougat in a payday
firecracker says:
how can you get nuttier than a peanut
jamelah says:
it's just peanuts and caramel
firecracker says:
are you sure about that, killer?
jamelah says:
yes
firecracker says:
fuck!
jamelah says:
the peanuts have more of a distinct peanut taste in the baby ruth
firecracker says:
you're right
firecracker says:
how do they get away without nougat?
jamelah says:
maybe... maybe the ones in the snickers are coated in more caramel
jamelah says:
the payday is gooooooood
firecracker says:
and what exactly is a 5th Avenue bar?
firecracker says:
I can honestly say I've never had one
jamelah says:
i don't think i've ever had one either
jamelah says:
i think i have to go buy a bottle of water
jamelah says:
my mouth tastes like nougat

.....